today was a super long day for me. about 12 hours at work which just seems to drain me!! it always takes a while to catch a bus when i'm coming home later, and bart is always filled with um, more lively people than it is at 6 in the morning. :)

all is well, though. i got everything done that needed to get done, and i feel great knowing that. the sunset was amazing tonight, and i loved standing outside after i got off of bart and smelling the summer air. am i a big freak, or does it have the most delightful scent?? not that any other seasons are worse, but i think it was the first time it smelled like summer to me this year. there i was, in the front of bart, with a big goofy grin on my face just smelling the beautiful breeze.

i'm going to be at the lair for the next week for those unaware, and i can't think of a more perfect time for a vacation!! the cooler is full of beer; just lead me to the pool!! i plan on doing a lot of hanging out, reading, hanging out, swimming, and napping. AND...maybe i'll treat myself to a massage. i've never had one before, and i think it's time to finally get one!! :)

and for your moment of zen: an article written by ben stein 2 years ago. i'm not sure it's the complete article, but i like all the same. :)

How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I
put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is
"FINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this
column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved
writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never
end. It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a
person and the world's change have overtaken it.

On a small scale, Morton's [famous restaurant which was often frequented
by Hollywood stars], while better than ever, no longer attracts as many
stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and
definitely some stars. I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and
we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid
talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor
in the Grass was a super movie. But Morton's is not the star galaxy it
once was, though it probably will be again.

Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood
stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly
people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man
or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in
front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all
look up to.

How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in
insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean
someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars
are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or
getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they
have Vietnamese girls do their nails. They can be interesting, nice
people, but they are not heroes to me any longer.

A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his
head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met by
a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam
Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world. A
real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a
road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and
killed him.. A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day,
is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a
piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a
station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it
exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl
alive in Baghdad.

The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish
weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after
two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and
stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists. We put
couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our
magazines.

The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand
on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near
the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.

I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor
values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that
who is eating at Morton's is a big subject. There are plenty of other
stars in the American firmament....the policemen and women who go off on
patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive. The
orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible
accidents and prepare them for surgery, the teachers and nurses who
throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children, the kind
men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards. Think of each
and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade
Center as the towers began to collapse.

Now you have my idea of a real hero. We are not responsible for the
operation of the universe, and what happens to us is not terribly
important.

God is real, not a fiction, and when we turn over our lives to Him, he
takes far better care of us than we could ever do for ourselves. In a
word, we make ourselves sane when we fire ourselves as the directors of
the movie of our lives and turn the power over to Him.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that
matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it
another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as
Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin--or Martin Mull or Fred
Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman, or as good a
writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them. But I could
be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good
son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main
task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my
wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I cared
for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed with
my father as he got sick, went into extremis, into a coma, and then
entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the
soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that
life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my
duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help
others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a
human.

kristi yamaguchi is awesome because
1. she's from fremont
2. she married a hockey player and
3. she has her baby in the top of the stanley cup, and that's just so adorable.

it is official: i can die happy.

sigh.

i went to the "state of the sharks" tonight which was a q&a event the sharks organization put on to discuss the season and anything inbetween. greg jamison, doug wilson, ron wilson, and jonathan cheechoo were fielding questions, so you know i just *had* to be there. to ask important questions, of course!!

i walked in, and there had to be a few hundred people there!! way more than i expected, especially since it was game 7 of the stanley cup finals!! luckily, we were given updates with each goal scored. :)

i was a little nervous i wasn't going to get to ask my questions because there were maybe 6 people before me when they announced cheech was only going to stay for 15 more minutes. and people were asking questions that lasted 15 minutes!! i had decided at one point, when cheechoo was talking about dropping weight, and how it was tough because he likes to eat, that i'd have to incorporate a question into that. then, they told us that they'd only have time for one more cheechoo question, and it was my turn!! some girl tried to cut in front of me, but i was like, "awww hell naw...i was here first and i have a question for him!!"

the guy behind me told me to say something nice about him taking time for the first nations youth, so i repreated that and said i had a two part question. i looked mr. cheechoo in the eyes and asked, "now as more of a seasoned veteran, what will you emphasize and challenge this next crop of rookies coming in? the second part to my question is: i just drove here for work and i'm pretty hungry. you said you like food a lot and i was wondering if you'd like to grab a bite to eat after this."

i was so nervous, but i think i sounded pretty confident, and the place erupted in laughter, cheering, and clapping. kae has it on her phone, and it's hilarious!! doug wilson said, "finally...we can get a date for you, cheech!!" and cheech looked over, totally blushing, asking the guys what the first question was. poor thing.

he stammered his way through the first part, and then said that his brother was in town and that they were hanging out tonight. luckily, i didn't sound too serious in my request, and i just smiled and said thanks. i had to walk alllll the way back up to the top where kae and teesta were and i've never had so many people pat me on the back, and woman cheer for me!! we decided it was time to leave, cause cheech had to go, so we made a quick stop to the bathroom. that included tons more support for random ladies, and they all told me how great it was that someone had asked him that question. i had someone tell me where he eats dinner once in a while (uh, hi, stalker) and someone come up to me after, when i was eating, to tell me that she liked, "THE question." :)

after we walked out of the building, and around the side, we saw that cheech was there signing autographs for these little kids. i decided i'd say hi quickly, so i hopped to the end of the line. when i got up to the front, i told him that i didn't mean to embarass him, and that i wanted to keep the session a little light. he laughed a bit, and i was so nervous i had no idea what to say after that!! luckily, he asked me my name and shook my hand. siiiiiigh. and, i was too shy that i didn't say anything else after that except for thanks for coming out or something lame like that.

so yeah, that's my happy story. hockey might be over for a few months, but i'm still one excited netters. :)

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

i think bears are sad i left vancouver. they're like, "netties, come oot and play!! where didja go??"

I took a little nap where the roots all twist
squished a rotten peach in my fist
and dreamed about you woman
I poked my finger down inside make a little room for an ant to hide
nature's candy in my hand or can or pie (peaches, presidents of the united states of america)

i love love love summah time. it means peaches, nectarines, melons, strawberries, and raspberries!! all straight from the fridge so they're incredibly refreshing after i have been in the sun. omgomgomg, i honestly think eating fresh, cold fruit on a beautiful day is heaven on earth!!

i took the pops to see nacho libre today and it was pretty sweet. i totally want to marry someone sexy like nacho and have little ninos with him. "little hug, big kiss..." hee hee!!

all right, time to clean up my room a bit. i actually bought a few things for myself yesterday...cute little organizing things for my desk...and i have decided that's my "prize" for cleaning up. i feel like i'm 5 again, but it's good motivation!! and, it helps to make a game out of it since i haven't bought much for myself lately and feel guilty. it's not like i went out and blew a few hundred bucks on a purse...it's only a few things for my desk and a cute notebook!! :)

yeah, yeah, i don't believe it either!! i'm actually asigned a costume for oski's party!!

caitlin just left me a message letting me know that i get to be Poison Ivy for the Two Peas in a Motherfuckin Pod! party!! i'm not paired up with anyone, but when you get to be Poison Ivy...come on. you don't want anyone else with you.

i'm soooo excited about creating my costume and hopefully finding some huge ass boots at a thrift store so i can cover them in leaves!!

i don't know if i'm more excited that i was actually on the list or that i get to be something so spicy!! Posion Ivy is the motherfuckin bomb!!

Like a moth to a flame
Burned by the fire (that's the way love goes, janet jackson)

first, i want to say that i adore my hairdresser. she always remembers the last few things we've talked about, even if it happened months ago. i really appreciate that she takes time to find out how i'm growing in my life and what's new and exciting with me. i also love that she never bullshits with me, either. she's not afraid to tell me how it is, and i love that about her. also, i love the fact that she told me i look skinnier. woohoo!!

okay, so i saw An Inconvenient Truth tonight with erik. i'm so happy i found it playing in a theatre near me!! it was just how i expected it to be...al gore talking about global warming and showing horrible pictures of ice sheets melting, graphs of co2 emissions, etc. i really wasn't sure where he was going at one or two points in the documentary. he brought up his son, and the election, and i'm thinking, wtf does this have to do with global warming, you selfish dude?? but it's great to see that background and it explains why he believes so strongly about how we can change our future. i totally recommend it to everyone!! oh, and a friend from the lair has his face in it twice, as a member of the audience gore is speaking to. the first time i saw him, i gasped and said his name with "fucking" as the middle name. sorry to the people around me...i wasn't expecting it!! :)

time to enjoy this beautiful night and relax this weekend. horray!!

i was in the middle of a dream this morning, which of course felt like reality, when all of a sudden i thought i heard someone whisper very softly next to my ear, "stop" and then everything went black. i was very confused at the time because i was having an "elementary school reunion" at denny's and all my old pals were dressed up. i remember all the small details of the place, from the tiles and carpet on the floor to the tables full of plates and different orders to the weird smell of all the food mixing together. even the costumes my friends were wearing; everyone was dressed up like animals and i could see with great clarity the detail of feathers, smooth surfaces, etc. it was odd to all of a sudden have everything go black.

i opened my eyes to notice that i was actually in my bed, covered in blankets. i started to move my head to the other side of my bed where my clock is when i felt shaking!! omg, an earthquake!! it seemed pretty strong, and i could hear the whole house creaking, so i jumped up and ran into the doorway. at this point, i'm thinking it's insane that i've woken up from an earthquake. i pretty much sleep through anything, including a fire alarm AND fire on my floor my freshman year at the dorms at davis.

i assumed erik would walk outside his door at any moment, or maybe i'd hear my mom or dad downstairs check on us. after the house finished settling, i went downstairs to see if anyone did wake up, and there was silence!! nobody else woke up!! i jumped on my dad's computer and went to the us geoglogical site cause i'm a big nerd. after every earthquake i feel, i always go there and fill out the form about what i felt, where i was, how i reacted, etc. also, they have cool maps of the intensity of the quake by region, area code, and you can see how big it was, and any little aftershocks.

i was disappointed to find out that it was only 4.7. for some reason, the shaking felt pretty intense to me, and i thought it was at least a 5.5 from my house. i'm not sure if the shaking just felt intensified since i was on my bed, and that might have been rocking back and forth a bit more because of the type of earthquake waves.

i tried going back to sleep, but when you're awake at 5:24 and excited, it's hard to rest your pretty little head for another hour. :)

I love Paris in the spring time
I love Paris in the fall
I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles
I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles

I love Paris every moment
Every moment of the year
I love Paris, why oh why do I love Paris
Because my love is here (i love paris, ella fitzgerald)


oh paris. you and i have a date. someday i'll be back. i promise.

Lost a few pounds in my waist for ya
This the kinda beat that go ra-ta-ta
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta
Sex me so good I say blah-blah-blah
Work it, I need a glass of water (work it, missy elliott)

i finally finished reading pillars of the earth, and it's my new favorite book!! my aunt was really excited when she gave it to me, and kept bubbling about how awesome it was. i think it took 500 pages to really get into, but it was worth it!! i think the first half of the book was really the foundation for everything else that happened. the author couldn't just throw random roadblocks in the way of the main characters; they had the be set in motion a long time before. omg, it was sooooo good!!

i had a lot of dreams last night...well, a lot that i remember at least. it was funny because i started most of them thinking to myself, "i bet this is a dream. let's see what happens." then it would become incredibly detailed with long conversations, lots of colors and items around me. also, i can remember how things tasted that i was eating. the first thing i ate was a bagel, and i can remember every bit of it!! all of my dreams were so detailed and different that it's hard to pick a theme of them. but they sort of were related to pillars of the earth. there was a part or two from the book that my mind somehow updated to the present with people i know. it's so freaky to have such amazing dreams and wake up and try to figure out what really happened!!

i went to the gym already, and i'm pretty sad that i haven't been going the last few weeks. i always feel so happy after i exercise, and i've been incredibly lazy and selfish lately. i'm going to try to make more of an effort to really start kicking ass and taking names!! NO PAIN, NO GAIN!!

well, i'm off to enjoy the rest of my day. i think i'm going to read some comics in the hammock by the pool. with a cold smoothie by my side, i could possibly be the happiest gol there ever was. enjoy your SUNday!! :)

Where are you going, where do you go?
Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars?
If along the way you are growing weary,
you can rest with me until a brighter day
It’s okay, where are you going, where do you go? (where are you going, dave matthews band)

i love coffee and donuts. so much so that i pretty much just made out with my jelly-filled donut. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i'm such a wannabe canadian.

in related (canadian!!) news, edmonton REALLY sucks. roloson was such a cheater (tripping players, shaking his mask off his face so nobody could score in an open net) and i'm happy they lost by a million last night. with him not in net, they're playing like a normal hockey team...one that everyone else should have beat before. i hope it's a sweep and everyone in edmonton cries. i honestly could not stop jumping up and down last night when i saw the final score. horray!!

Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection (hips don't lie, shakira)

i was sitting down eating dinner when erik mentioned that our neighbor next door's brother spoke to him this morning about good news. i guess they usually see each other in the morning, and erik asked how he was doing. paul replied that he was great because he found out that he didn't have a brain tumor!! i got so excited that i had my dad call and find out what his favorite ice cream flavor was. he needed some, "i'm so glad you don't have a brain tumor, now have some yummy ice cream" ice cream!! i think he was really happy to get it. he had one of the biggest smiles i've ever seen. :)

AND...in hockey news, edmonton sucks!! i'm so glad they lost tonight, and what a fitting way because their goalies cheat and are rude and mean!!! unfort, it wasn't roloson in net, because he deserved that last goal scored. i hope carolina sweeps you!!

Put your head on my shoulder
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me, that you love me too

Put your lips next to mine,dear
Won't you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss goodnight, maybe
You and I will fall in love (put your head on my shoulder, michael buble)

this weekend was so much fun!! i had a great time at the a's game right after work on friday with merin, lauren and king!! i think it was the first baseball game i went to that i pretty much missed every play. it was great to cheer for the a's now and then, but really fun to catch up and giggle with the girls!! i also get really excited to see my friends in love, happy, and treated well. it's hard not to feel a twinge of jealousy, but i am still so happy that they've found love. :)

saturday was another a's game (cause i'm a superfan like that) with erik and his buds for his birthday. i want to mention how much i *love* stomper dancing before the game starts. only in oakland can a mascot get down like that. but yes, i had a great time baking in the sun munching on nachos. i'm so easy to please. after that, we hung out at chili's and the day was over!!

today was landon's SECOND birthday. omg. it was already two years ago when i saw that little squit pop out of stacy!! i'm becoming one of those people who's like, "i remember when..."!!! eek!! he's totally cute, running around with a mohawk and rub on tats. like the cool armband ones. it's adorable and a half. and, i was so happy to see michelle and talk to her for the first time since she announced she's preggers!! it's fascinating to see my family expanding. michelle and j.j. are going to be the greatest parents.

i am pooped from being in the sun all weekend and walking a ton!! but it made me a dark berry with better muscle tone. i shouldn't complain!! now it's time for a nice relaxing bath and then bed. sigh, and as i type this, there's a beautiful sunset. the blue sky is a perfect light shade with a little bit of lavendar and light pink. it's amazing and incredible and i can't believe i get to see new ones each day. a special present from god, that's for sure. :)

look at me, so silly, wearing my heart on my sleeve...i mean boob...again.


ah yes, this is more like it. (wouldn't this be a sweet tat on mah hip??)

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away (one day i'll fly away, moulin rouge soundtrack)



i've had that song stuck in my head for the last day or two. i love singing it in the shower and totally not hitting the high notes, but not sounding horrible since the bathroom has great acoustics. i saw this flutter-by pic and thought of the song.

this song is so sad to me, so i don't know why it's been stuck in my head. i hate how there's a theme of giving up, when we all know love is worth fighting for. keep living dream to dream!!